G.U.F. REDLIGHT CITY - Game character representatives announced a five-point plan to counteract the increasing emo influence on games at the Game Character's Summit this morning. Earlier this year G.U.F. Congress enacted legislation declaring the rising levels of emoness in games a "universal gaming concern."
Bemo sighting.The five-point plan is a set of operations divided into five categories which enables game characters to combat emo infestations by answering a series of yes or no questions. Questions that are answered with yes indicate an unacceptable level of emoness in a game character for a particular trait, which is then called an "emotrait." When a certain percentage of traits are identified as emotraits a game character is considered "full-on emo," or "taint," for short.
My girlfriend's soul is being used to power an apocalyptical demon! Wahhhh!
Emo arose during the 1980s, alongside aerobics and AIDS and is frequently accompanied with an irrational increase in self-importance.
"The five categories we have identified as the most problematic are physical appearance, uniform, selfhood, speciality, and ego. If you follow the five-point plan you should isolate and counteract most known forms of emoness in yourselves and be treating women like shit in no time. This is the best we can come up with until this is regulated," game character Mr. Snake stated.
A small group of dissenting game characters spoke out against the five-point plan, stating that it is an infringement of guaranteed Gaming Constitution rights. "This is a travesty to end all travesties. We do not judge you. Why can't you just leave us alone and let us live the way we want to live?" said an anonymous emo-enthusiast.
When asked about the potential violation of gaming character constitutional rights Mr. Snake replied, "You think you have it tough? I am a fucking clone. Stop shaving your stuff."
Attendee gift bags contained a circular that describes the five-point plan as an "effective method to remove, eliminate, and mitigate the presence of emoness in games."
